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One Thousand Impossible Things
Okay...This looks bad...
Liveblogging Breaking Dawn Part Two: Because I need a good bout of hysterical laughter.  
25th-May-2013 04:10 am
....I am 20 seconds in and I can't stop laughing. Do we really not know that it's about vampires without the blood all over the title sequence?

Also...I am trying so hard not to judge a lot of the actors in this for being involved...it's pretty much money and exposure for them but...Gottdamn Rami Malek, why?

Also? Longest title sequence ever in life, I swear. Two minutes and 40 seconds.

EW EYES!!!! aaiwjndlkjawnf I CANNOT STAND LOOKING AT EYES UP CLOSE!! GOTTDAMI TWILIGHT!!!

.....*sigh*...Arm sex?

Also, does dying cause permanent make-up?

Because she didn't realize her vampirism before he said something?

....Poor hiker....also...could they have made this whole first scene any weirder?

Also...oh shite....Jacob....

HE CARES ABOUT HER BECAUSE HE IS JUST A LITTLE BIT OF A PEDO!

AND THAT IS WHY HE DOESN'T CARE THAT YOU'RE WITH EDWARD

ALSO.....

WHY THE FUCK IS THE BABY COMPUTER GENERATED?! WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL?! I DON'T---I DON'T GET...WHY COULD THEY NOT FIND A REAL BABY?!

I...DON'T....GET....

ALSO....I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS MOVIE WITHOUT CAPS LOCK!!

WHY IS THE BABY COMPUTER GENERATED?!

Did...they build a cottage in three days?

No...please not awkward vampire sex....I don't know if I can take the weird speeding up and down of the camera...

...Yeah...I knew it was going to be some bizzare montage of camera tricks....

Oh noes....Charlie....

Kind of glad I didn't read this part of the book....

"She feeling better...but........she's a vampire...."

Oh god...I can't take it....omg...turning in front of Charlie...this is the best thing ever in life....

Also....why not just tell him the truth...he already knows weird shit is happening...

She's already being weird...just...tell him...gottdamn it....

"I've just watched a kid I've known his entire life turn into a very large dog..."

Oh fuck, return of CGIbaby....

This....can't....no....this is what they say when they mention the Uncanny Valley....

....Motherfuck...the sparkling....

STOP IT WITH THE CGI PLEASE!! YOU HAVE MCKENZIE FOY IN THIS MOVIE....THERE IS NO REASON FOR THIS....

Also....Dakota Fanning....might be the best thing in this movie...I fucking love her....seriously....

Like....for serious...that girl is lousy with talent....

Also....I love you Rami Malek....stop being so sexy...

Of course the amazons are wild women....

Lee Pace....good god....stop....why....why the sexy?!

Holy fuck....

Can Lee Pace always be a swaggering vampire pirate?

Mmmmmm....Russians.....

I just...need a movie with Rami Malek, Lee Pace, Michael Sheen and Dakota Fanning....

Really...they are the only reason I'm watching this damn movie....

Now that Renesmee's age seems to have stilled at this point...can we please stop with the CGI?

Because there is only one J. Jenks in all of Seattle?

Remember...in the first book...where Alice clearly says that what she sees is only a possible future?

Thank fuck no more CGIbaby....JFC....

Okay....I love the Romanians too....why is it that I love every vampire in this except Edward and Bella?

"We sat still for so long, we didn't notice we had begun to petrify." Great fucking line...

Also...Kate and Garrett hooking up might be the best thing ever in life...

"We get through this, I'll follow you anywhere woman."

Also, love that the Volturi don't expect the wolves.

Also, why does her hand look like a grown womans hand?

Um...What, Aro?

Goddamit, Seth and Leah dead? I honestly could not have cared about Edward falling but yes....wolf who I'm assuming is Sam...kill Jane dead!

Sort of depressing that Markus was so exited to die, lol.

And now they just hav----

Oh....

Um....

....

Okay....get me all exited with violence....

Also, I love Aro's "Okay Caius...just...don't go there...rocks fall, we all die...." And Markus is the only one satisfied by this....

Poor Romanians....I want them to be in power again...

Also...thank fuck none of the wolves died...that was breaking my heart...

Aw! Edward and Jacob make peace!

Aww! Jake and Nessie get an adorable future together!

Okay...so what...? She learns how to turn off the shield so he can read her mind? Also, I am so mad that A Thousand Years goes with this movie...

.......OKay...that the fuck was that book thing....?

Nice montage of introducing the other Vamps...who were the best characters....

Especially Garrett and Benjamin...

Okay...I like that they're doing all the movies, that's awesome....Even both Victorias, lol

THE END WITH STUPID BOOK PAGE TURNING

Okay...not as bad as some of the other movies...and the cast made up for it...

....

Especially Lee Pace and Rami Malek...who stole the entire fucking movie...
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